February17 2009
Dear Diary,
With every step you take of me, I feel like you are making my soul die. Don't you get it I'm not the only thing you can wear, you have so many shoes to wear, and why do you pick me? Today was the worst out of any other day, you wore me in the mud and I was getting dirty. And when we got home did you wash me? NO. You threw me like I was garbage; well I think I’m worth more than garbage. Yeah you bought me like two years ago however I’m still as good as I was when you bought me. I don’t think we belong together because, if shoes are not important to you and you can’t take care of me, I think you should give me up instead of throwing me around like I am nothing.
February 18 2009
Dear Diary,
Today was a horrible day for me. It was snowing outside and instead of my owner wearing her boots; she chose to wear me in the snow. Now look at me, I’m all wet and smelly not like I was ever clean. Why don’t you take care of me, I always look at my friends and wonder why I can’t be with them, instead I’m with you. You are a person who does not care about how I feel, however I care about you. I am the person who is keeping your feet warm and dry, whereas in return you treat me like I am nobody when I am someone. I do not understand why you treat me like this and not you’re other shoes. Are they better looking than I am, or do they give you more comfort then I do? I am wondering why every day, why the Shoe God sent me to you, is there a purpose that I am with you? I think it is to show you that you cannot always think about yourself, and that you have to start thinking about others.
My footwear friends do not know how I feel, because their master’s know how to treat them well. Therefore, whenever I want to talk to them about my problems, they block me and I am tuned out. Now I feel like tearing myself apart so that my governor can throw me out. That would make me very happy because, then I can meet my parents in Shoe Heaven. I just hope that is what she does. I cannot take this bruising anymore.
LAST CALL: WORD VERIFICATION OFF.
ReplyDeleteA good beginning. This needs to be "fleshed out" a bit more to give it more depth. The minimum was 250 words and you are 100 words short.
Also there are some grammatical errors.
"Every step you take of me" -not proper syntax
Also some sun-on sentences.
okk thank you MZ.C
ReplyDeletealso what do you mean "fleshed out" i do not get that??
ReplyDeleteFleshed out means developed, given more detail, more body. :)
ReplyDeleteLast time I am commenting unless word verification is turned OFF!
whats is word verification??
ReplyDeleteI really like your perspective of a shoe. It's interesting to think about because we're wearing them out everyday.
ReplyDeleteI would agree with Mz. C that you have some run on sentences but I think it got a lot better in the second entry. And personally, I think it would help if you broke up your entry into parts, just from a visual stand point. It feels longer to read when it's one long paragraph.
Go to your settings to turn off word verification. Just look for it and it will give you the option to turn it off.
ReplyDelete